Nap-time Nurturer Gifts

'Do you really need a bedtime story before every nap?'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'At lone at last.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

Mad about Roses!

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

Garden seeds - giant varieties

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Egg Buggy

"Delia, there is no such thing as the boogeyman. Now climate change … that is real."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"I can’t come to bed yet. I have bulbs to plant."

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

How cats see their home

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

"...For most of us, work has become home, and home has become work!"

'Two thousand seedlings - and I can't bring myself to throw any of them out.'

"Support the head!"

"I'm not surprised that lady's so fat. . . The baby's been blowing her up for hours."

"Narrative play is dead."

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

'Well, Mary, you've already screwed up you first two kids. This could be you last chance...'

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

Why it's called child-rearing.

'Stephen's down on the allotment, gathering in nature's bounty.'

IIt isn't so bad. I feel about how I used to after watching TV all day.'

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"If sleeping were an Olympic sport, Harry would be a champion!"

'That's strange. No ingredient labelling anywhere!'

Labour ward scene: 'Do you not think it's a little soon to be leaving him with his gradparents?'

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg."