Nail Novice Pillows

The neames of hardware items are often hard to remember...'I'm looking for a box of metallic pins about 1 inch long and with a pointed tip with a sort of circular surface?' 'Nails! Aisle 2B'

'I think we should look into a smaller hammer and bigger nails for your next do-it-yourself project'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Today we learned to count to one.

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Pandemic Orphans

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

Carole Jean's First "Big Girl" Heels

"I said I wanted to go to Stacey's Nail Bar."

The not-so-living wall

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

"Pedicure is booming, but manicure is dead."

'I think your 10 o' clock appointment's arrived.'

'See what happens when you bite your nails.'

Sick wife teaches husband to use can-opener

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

'You just continue to grow.'

If I learn how to write Roman Numerals, will that help me write computer code?

'Hereafter you sew your own buttons on your suits of armor. This is the tenth needle I've ruined tonight.'

'Women love their nails, so next time she suggests you get fixed, tell her only if she gets declawed.'

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).