Nail Care Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Frank! How many times have I told you to cut your toenails?!'

The adoration of the gels.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"Too much concealer?"

A Manicure

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'This is DESTROYING my manicure, Steve!'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"Relax. I'm just here to trim your nails."

"...and we plan to offer it as a scarce and valuable product."

Sunday morning provides a time to contemplate the state of our souls. Or soles, as the case may be.

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

"My phone is my cosmetic advisor. If the facial recognition doesn't work, I know I'm wearing too much makeup."

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

Red in tooth and claw.

'Botox so soon, Master?'

Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mani, Pedi.

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

'You don't have to worry about me, I just want to know who does your nails.'

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

'What do you think? Edible nail polish.'

"Yes, it was tested on rabbits and they simply adored it."

'Oh great, now I broke a nail.'

'Doctor, I asked for BOTOX injections, not BUTTOCKS injections.'

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

'You don't know how lucky you are having tentacles instead of arms. I spend a fortune in manicure.'