Nail-biter Chuckler Pillows

The Job Interview

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

"The cookies are always stale."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

So? You snort when you laugh, too.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

tax

The Big Four debate banking ethics

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Jesus Seals the Hick...

'I wish you'd stay focused Simpson!'

"Dang!! Wrong hole."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"What's for dinner, Madge? I'll be home soon."

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Merry Christmas

"Things are looking grim Jenkins, get someone in to start chewing my nails for me."

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

Sarah's underwear kept creeping up on her.

'Pool closed 3pm to 6pm. That's when we wash our sheets.'

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

"He stopped watching GB News because they don't provide the subtitles which give him a good laugh on BBC, ITV, and Sky."

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."

'I confessed to killing the guy! What happened to, "The truth shall set you free"?'

"You never know until you try!"