Mystical Meme Lovers Pillows

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"OMG, LOL!"

"This is a company which is going places...."

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

'for more obit info, go to...'

"I propose we build a panic room."

'My upper body strength is fine but I'd been neglecting my legs.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Politics In The Workplace

'Here's a composite of our target consumer.'

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

Grumpy Cow

"I only wish emails could deliver papercuts."

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"Out bending spoons at Pop's diner."

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'I don't think the posts online are for scratching.'

How do I keep coming up with these zany kid shananigans? I get them from zanykidshanaigans.com!

"Bob, when I said "let him sniff your hand first," I meant the dog."

Wrong Address

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

"As you can see from the flow chart, the problem stems from a lack of direction."

"I've followed this guy on social media for years, so I figure I can't go wrong following him in real life..."

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

"Yes, I'm sure! The Failure Virus! It just wiped out Sales and Accounting, and it's headed YOUR way!"