Mystical Jokester Gifts

Nobody was really sure why the deceased spirit kept spelling out the word 'soapdish'.

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Not now, Oliver."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

Cosmonaughty

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

"I'm very highly strung!"

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Broad Minded

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

The First Man to Ride the Moon