Mystic Jokester T-Shirts

'Why don't we wear business suits and call ourselves marketing executives? We could make a lot more money.'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Not now, Oliver."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Cosmonaughty

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

The First Man to Ride the Moon

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"I'm very highly strung!"

"Ohhh! Now I get it!"