Mystical Humorist T-Shirts

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

'Not that sort of palm reading!'

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

Satanic ritual adorable baby goats

You will go on a trip.

Your fortune will begin momentarily. (Cursing symbols) Ads

Ventriloquist act monk

'Not only can I see the future - I also get HBO and Showtime for free,'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"You're going on a very short journey."

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

"Here we are."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Game time.

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

Arresting Adam and Eve

'..and one for the pot.'

First attempt at the Big Bang

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

Man asking lady if she cares for him

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

"Snake eyes again!"

'Madam Zelda sees all'

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Madam Mae: Fortune teller - Fortune 500.

Wrong Address

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.