Mystic Investor T-Shirts

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"Did you have a cat?"

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

A voodoo doctor.

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

The Stock Market.

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

A self-filling prophecy.

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

'You've got a degree in mathematics? Well, the economy isn't logical. It's about irrationality, superstition, gossip and pure luck. You need a degree in gambling and black magic.'

'I believe in Santa Claus, and I believe in the guaranteed annual 10% return.'

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"It's your cat broker, Madame - he has a hot tip on a Siamese."

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.