Mystic In Training Pillows

"We'll start with the basics - Sit down and shut up."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

"Did you have a cat?"

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

Ill next Thursday

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

A voodoo doctor.

Nikolay Rerih

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

Cat Seance

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

Amateur Palmist

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

Hog Futures

'Ha Ha! Stop seeing astrally and look behind you, Bob!'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'