Mystic Explorer Gifts

'The road to Nirvana: 'Am I there yet? Huh? Am I? Huh? Am I there yet? Huh?'

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

"To meditate on the mysteries of nature. Why do you come?"

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'Those vibes from my Aunt Matilda...could they be considered insider trading tips?'

'Get me Hell, Miss Saunders. I wish to sell my soul.'

'You are leading a double life, that'll be extra.'

Nostradamus.

"Humbug! I don't believe that you can tell the future!"

"I can fix it ??" but it will cost you a fortune."

"I have grave news."

"Ahhh! Henry! Stop busting in here! You frightened me to death!!"

'I don't see any tall, dark strangers in your future, just a series of oddball cats.'

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

Fortune Teller

Wife: 'It's for you, honey - the Reincarnation Society.'

'The spirit is very positive about your future...'

"... No, I don't mean you're going to meet someone who looks like, Marilyn Monroe. I mean, you're going to meet, Marilyn Monroe!"

"Why don't you see a good dermatologist?"

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

'Want me to share your reading on your social media?'

"Life is just a bowl of cherries? I demand a second opinion!"

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

"I can tell the future."

"The good news is that you'll be immortalized in a world-famous painting. The bad news...your face is stuck like that for life!"

"And you see this line here?. . . I don't know what that means either."

Bifocal Crystal Ball

Woman at entrance to clairvoyant's with sign reading 'Warning: readings may contain bad news as well as good news'.

"If you want me to ask him that you'll have to wait until after the watershed."

"It's curious. No matter how hard I try, I can't find your life line."

"It's like texting, but for dead people."

"There is a man at the door who needs seventeen dollars to buy some sweet grass to burn as a spiritual cleansing agent during his prayer ceremonies."

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

"Yeah but he wasn't just the devourer of souls, he also created lots of jobs!"

"Your life line is a little weak, but we can fix that."