Mutual Respect Enthusiast Pillows

"Dad, I've been thinking it might make things better between us if I just called you Ed."

"I suggest you take an Empathy pill every day."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

Tunnel of Love and the Tunnel of Mutual Respect and Admiration.

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

"I not only respect women, I look up to them."

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

'Is there anyway that I could specialize in corporate law and still be one of the good guys.'

Hippy Hour: 'Sorry,mate-dyslexic signwriter!'

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

"You have to learn to relax, even though I'm creeping you out."

Will work for recognition.

Dog Owner.

'I always feel I could have taken credit for more.'

"As much as they embarrass us, I think it's time to ask our parties to get different mascots."

It came to a point where neither of us could remember why we were feuding, so we became friends...

"I find it difficult to like him. He's too good at being humble."

Boy scout saluting soldier.

George W. Bush.

"I am wearing the new bikini you saw...unfortunately, my father saw it too, and made me wear this over it!"

'My problem is that I'm a nice guy.'

Color is not a crime

"Since I deeply value recognition, I'm honored to present this 'Outstanding Effort' award to what's-his-name here."

Hippie Army Knife

'Well, self-righteousness is better than no righteousness at all, isn't it?'

GOP'S GPS

'I know that I take myself too seriously... but it makes me happy.'

'Just being humble isn't enough -- you have to show some humility INITIATIVE!'

'Just being humble isn't enough -- you have to show some humility INITIATIVE!'

Slick Mitt.

'Wall hugging won't get you past me without a 'Good morning', Carson.'

"No, Otis, I think it's safe to say Daddy doesn't remember where he parked the car."

Employee of the month.