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"I won't lie to you.Chopin's 'Funeral March' is a bad sign."

"We the jury couldn't reach a verdict, but we were able to come up with this haunting ballad about the murder."

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Mou...Man trap!

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

Law 'N' Order

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'So I'll see you in court tomorrow afternoon...and bring your toothbrush.'