Music Award Marvel Gifts

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Women in a cross country race

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

Health

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

I love Harmonica

'When is science going to explain the dark matter I find in my belly button every morning?'

"Turn down the bass."

"I'll need to see your responsible service of alcohol certificate."

"You see, I told you I could play the bugle and sing at the same time..."

Doctor's house visit "What's made him worse since I phoned Doctor was worrying about the cost of a house call"

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'It'll help the economy and the environment, Mr. President -- biodegradable money!'

Procrastinator's Leap.

'You are a very good doctor. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"Jesus, walking on top of the water does not count as a bath."

While Desmond was by far the world's fastest marathon runner, his Achilles heel was his wimpiness.

"Incredible! - I have never seen a whole septic head before!!"

Dick Van Dyke

'I go in there to borrow two million dollars, and they have the nerve to ask me how much I make!'

"You definately have a musical ear"

"Oh my God, the mineral water!"

"Pop stardom might not be the most realistic of ambitions, Billy. I should know- I was the winner of last year's X Factor."

"Good news, Mrs. Mostyn. Those lumps on your breasts are nipples."

Country Hits

Rock on!

Convict playing the violin

From the Department of New Age Medicine: The First Artichoke Heart Transplant.

"Thank you, sir. And have a happy holiday of your choice!"

'I never thought I'd say this, but I think we ran too far this time.'