Museum Docent Gifts

Rodin's Coach-Driver

'Your best bet would be to go right up Madison Ave., and turn at this corner on to 89th St.'

'...and he refuses to discuss the question of whether this is a serious work or a hoax.'

Visitor at an art exhibiton admiring a gallery notice.

'It's called 'Reverse'.'

"Some of the parents have complained that you're scaring the children. You have to stop telling them the Triceratops was a kidavore."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

Paul Klee

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'I'm in my Blue period.'

The Googler

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Instructional guide to scribbling

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Physician tending a mummy.

Children's artwork exhibition.

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."