Museum Docent Gifts

Rodin's Coach-Driver

'Your best bet would be to go right up Madison Ave., and turn at this corner on to 89th St.'

Monet. Do they have paintings by other artists? Of course, Money isn't everything! (Published originally on Sept. 23, 2013.)

'...and he refuses to discuss the question of whether this is a serious work or a hoax.'

Visitor at an art exhibiton admiring a gallery notice.

'It's called 'Reverse'.'

"Some of the parents have complained that you're scaring the children. You have to stop telling them the Triceratops was a kidavore."

You're my Mona Lisa.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

At the Museum

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

The Artist

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'I'm in my Blue period.'

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The Googler

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Instructional guide to scribbling

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"And this is our media room."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."