Mundane Task Humorist Gifts

"Hold on – I was putting my card in upside down."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

'We operate on the point system here. When you see something go wrong, point at whoever you think is to blame.'

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

The AdRams Family no.15 - Godzilla screensaver

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

The Iron Age: Day One.

"I spend so much time sitting at my desk, my chair now suffers from separation anxiety. I only left for lunch, and it had to follow me."

'Wow! It looks like my hypnosis lessons finally paid off!'

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

'They're still waiting for Godot.'

Sock puppet down!: 'A hand! I need a hand!'