Mum-to-be Pillows

"Mum, we had sex-education at school today: is that really what happened to Daddy?!"

"We're going to have a chipolata."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

In the DNA Kitchen

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"They look so young and helpless."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"