Multilingual Parent Pillows

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"Where's your nose?"

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

Stork Story.

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"I'll explain later."

'Hold on, the play is under review.'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Boho Bribes

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"Dad, I'm thinking they could be tax deductable."

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Hello? Animal control?'

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

"You were right, honey, she was tired... I only had to read six books to her tonight!"

Newton's Cradle

Our Yuppie Dad

"It's cash. It's kind of like a debit card."

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"