Muffin Minimalist T-Shirts

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

Soup of the month.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Natural Nothing

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Little chef.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"For some, minimalism begins at a very early age..."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"My compliments to the can opener."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"Blueberry muffins. My wife made them."

'...and the property comes with a fully fitted kitchen'

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

"Do you have this in a flat brown sandal?"

'They use paper plates.'

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

'I warned you...I can only cook two dishes: beef stroganoff and cheese cake.'

'You want to take our relationship a bit slower How about we only sms once a day'

"I want a natural birth, no make-up, no lip gloss, no..."

'Too many choices to make up your mind? No problem. We also have abbreviated menus.'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

"For my next trick I will turn this ordinary muffin into a delicious cupcake."

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 50 calories? False advertising.'

'We don't have menus, sir - the chef thinks they're counterproductive.'

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

Posh restaurant - 'We'll have the sandwiches.'

"Nothing for me, thanks."

'I never understood kitchen tables. Why do you think I gave you a lap?'