Mri Survivor Pillows

'And this one is for going into an MRI machine -- alone.'

Gary turns 40.

Barbeque Casualty.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Time for your pills.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"I see you do all your own stunts."

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

Sporting maladies.

'You've got a broken finger.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

Tax grab.

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

Sling

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."