Mozzarella Critic Gifts

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

Trial by Media

Squeezing the Free Press.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

6 Brothers Falafel

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

"Rump roast?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."