Mourning Fashionista Pillows

Man buying a mourning-band from a hatter

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Middle-Age Superheroes

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

"She's asking did her bum look big in her shroud ?"

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it's time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards."

As his hearing worsened, Larry had to buy louder and louder clothes.

"Whatever you do, DON'T go in there! It's the mummy's purse!"

'I forgot my keys!'

'Well it was his request to be burried in a flat-pack coffin.'

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

Coffee cup lids that don't fit properly and then dribble dwon the front of your best outfit just before the big meeting.

Most folks just go with the white.

'This is Hell, madam. Everything you try on will make your butt look big.'

'Things you forgot to put on your list.'

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

Sue began to wonder if she needed a spending review of her own.

"Nice to see young people dressed respectfully."

Bouncer picks out good-looking woman in queue for heaven. Man says: 'This, I did not expect.'

The grim reaper tries on new clothes

Fears

Desert Island Delivery

Shop assistant looking at woman wearing a hideous outfit while her shadow is sick in a bucket.

Undertakers

"Wow. I need either new glasses or a new hairdo."

Minimal Chic.