Mother Moving In Gifts

'Just how long does your mother plan on staying with us?'

Now just because mother has moved in, I don't want you two fighting over who runs the kitchen!

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

LAY ZEE FUK

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"You've changed."

Painting the Ceiling

"I'm thinking of turning this home office into a man-cubicle."

"Man's best friends."

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'Homepage Sweet Homepage'

"I believe I have just reached a whole new level of cozy."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Layer cake

Love is when you watch television together.