Morning Banter Fan Pillows

'I prefer flakes.' 'Figures.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Big Newspaper Delivery

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Mums coffee morning

'Household water use'

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

the Morning Joe team.

'You're listening to no repeat radio where we never play the same song twice! Yeah! No repeat radio! Where you'll never hear the same song twice! Only on no repeat radio!'

"Dang it."

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

Chris Evans

'Please do not adjust your set -- I'm just a little hung over.'

Propriety

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

'Hey Dad - you're shaving with my transistor radio!'

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

'The cereal killer has struck again, Sarge.'

'Cock-a-doodle... don't.'

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

You throw poop like a girl.

"Look, honey, they're erecting a statue of you in the park—oh, now they're taking it down."