Morbidity Enthusiast Pillows

"...take Mr Finch's skull-cap off your head."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Little doctor.

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"