Moral Juggler Pillows

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Well, technically speaking, we do have a conscience...'

That party went well.

Stop and Birch

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

Joe's Bar: Happy Hour 5-9, Utter Despair 10-12.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

Angel and devil versions of a man prepare for a shoot out.

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

"No, you can't be a venture socialist, because they don't exist!"

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

Let's merge and cut out the middle man.

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

"Too many tabs open."

The Russian Circus

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

"I unfollow people when they ask me to think for myself. I mean, who has the time?"

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

Merkel & Europe

'So many loopholes, so little time.'

Disraeli 'The Political Leotard'

EXEC ORDER