Morality Juggler Pillows

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

That party went well.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Stop and Birch

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

Angel and devil versions of a man prepare for a shoot out.

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

"No, you can't be a venture socialist, because they don't exist!"

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

Swiss army justice.

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

'Well, technically speaking, we do have a conscience...'

Let's merge and cut out the middle man.

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

The Russian Circus

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

"I unfollow people when they ask me to think for myself. I mean, who has the time?"

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

Disraeli 'The Political Leotard'

Merkel & Europe

'So many loopholes, so little time.'

EXEC ORDER