Moral Investor Pillows

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

Investments: New - Starred Items In Your Portfolio Mean 'Suitable For Vegans'.

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

Saving for College.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

A wiser and a better man

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

IOC and human rights.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

The tortoise and hare

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'