Ethical Investors Pillows

'You can rest assured that our 'diet conscience' fund invests only in low-fat, low cholesterol food companies.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

A wiser and a better man

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

IOC and human rights.

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

Climate Crisis and the Banks

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

Holistic Stocks, Inc.

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'

'I can still remember the days when you had a social conscience'.

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

The Bull, the Bear, the Ant, and the Grasshopper

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"