Ethical Investing Enthusiast Pillows

Investments: 'We now offer 'social conscience' funds and 'corporate ethics' funds'.

"It just appeared after I'd transferred my portfolio into ethical investments."

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

Ask about our Putin-Free Portfolios

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Others will fight for you

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Wall Street Couch

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."