Ethical Finance Enthusiasts Pillows

Holistic Stocks, Inc.

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

Free Range Golfers

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

IOC and human rights.

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

Security/Savings

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

"You've been a very bad man and we like that. So now, we're going to send you to London."

CEO slumber

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

"We need to come up with some corporate values, get online and steal some from a different company."

'I'd do the 'common good' more often if there were big lobbyist bucks in it for me.'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'Bob, we know that you can do the job, even though you did exaggerate your resume.'