Monster Gardener T-Shirts

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

An Unexpected Guest.

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

The Phantom Of The Garden

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Ecological Therapy

'What do you think of the new Mars Mover I just ordered from The Whole Mars Catalogue?'

Planting Bird Seed.

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

'This lettuce will grow on Mars...by the way, find out if 'red lettuce' is copyrighted.'

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

Clown watering his flowers.

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Football fan

LawnGrazer 3000; The Solar Powered, Remote Controlled Lawnmower

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'