Monster Banishers Gifts

Bob takes care of this monster-under-the-bed business once and for all.

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

Tourists and their Pets.

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

Hysterically laughing monster.

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

'Not now, you'll spoil your dinner.'

"I'm hooking up with this guy who makes the funniest typos."

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

"You have to fly me up there! I'm the only one who can help Godzilla with his form!"

'You've had enough!'

'OK, Connor. Tell me about this big, scary monster that you feel is under your bed at night.'

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

'I've never done this before.'

"Dude, you gotta get out here and clean this pool more often."

"There's a grouch on my couch."

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

Frankenstein as a boy

"Let's see...how would Arnie handle this?"

'Anything I can break has to go.'

"Ohhh...I guess you feel slightly uncomfortable....Do you want to talk about it?"

Ah, rain has stopped, now for the good life...

"This is what the city pays us for, DiAngelo!"

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

"You've just raided your last patch!"

'It's alright my previous, it was just a bad dream, there is no super bindweed monster...'

"When was the last time you cleaned the fridge?"

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"What the hell is all this?"