Money Matters Humorist Pillows

'There you go...we now keep our clients' money separate from our own.'

The Recession Hole.

They say you can't take it with you... so I spent it on this.

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Money Bar.

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

The Euro - R.I.P.

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'