Monarchs Pillows

"You're why I have the moat, Mother."

'You have to do SOMETHING about it, or people will say you're soft on crime.'

'When I first met the queen she was a hat check girl and I had to marry her to get my crown back.'

'I'm sure Mother didn't mean it to be an invasion.'

King George I

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Surprise!"

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

British Prime Minister

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

King completes rubik's cube.

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"I welcome the discussion."

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'