Molecular Gastronome Gifts

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Before/After

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

In the DNA Kitchen

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

Crossing the Nachos Grande

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Carpe pizza"

Happy hour.

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

"First you make a roux."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

"Ah! dehydrogenated non-milk fat solids with a soupcon of deoxyhydropesane and sweetners...just like mum used to make."

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."