Modesty Maestro T-Shirts

"You just self-deprecated yourself right out of a job."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

Guru.

Charles Addams.

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

Computer Music

"Wow! You're a real good guesser, mom...that's exactly what we had at Jonny's party! Spaghetti an' cake an' ice cream!"

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Edgar Allan Poe

'Honey. . . I'm ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.'

"I'm worried that I'm the only one who constantly gets anxiety attacks..."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'Was that a spiritual insight, or just clumsiness?'

Skeleton model kit assembly instructions.

'My Death Story....chapter one...'

'Maybe you just weren't cut out for enlightenment.'

Meditation: Do Not Disturb.

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'Sorry I'm late. I had you booked as the gastroenteritis, on Mont Blanc.'

' ... Ohm ... Ohm ... Ohm ...'

"But this way I know where everything is."

"Look at you! Dirty all over! I told you not to play with your ink!!"

Air catarrh.