Modest Funeral Organizer Pillows

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Go Now, Pay Later/Pay Now, Go Later!

'You'd look good in that.'

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

"Well...in that case you could consider our eco burial."

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

"We gather here today in memory of Chuckles, Kornflake, Doodles, Yo-Yo, Cupcake...."

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

Ignitas

"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

"She requested a twilight service because she wasn't a mourning person."

"He always said he was going to take it with him."

Budget Cremations

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

Undertakers Pole

'It was his last request. He was a track star in college.'

U-can take it with you funerals.

'Couldn't you just spontaneously combust!'