Modern Worker Pillows

"I have to use the rest room. Would you mind mumbling 'Mm-hmm' on my conference call for a few minutes?"

No, Dad, they didn't give me a key to the 'executive washroom' with my promotion. These days you get the pin number to the unisex lounge.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I feel your pain."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

Work Slave

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

Off Duty.

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Mr Yomp quickly got the hang of his new laptop.

"Do you mind? I'm in the middle of recording a podcast."

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

"The boss expects us all to be robots."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'A word in my office Jones.'

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

The boss yells at me whenever I try to think outside the box! He's giving you some constrictive criticism!

Are you nodding yes, or nodding off?

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"He's in a meeting, but you have 25 seconds to leave a video message."

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.