Modern Worker Gifts

"I have to use the rest room. Would you mind mumbling 'Mm-hmm' on my conference call for a few minutes?"

No, Dad, they didn't give me a key to the 'executive washroom' with my promotion. These days you get the pin number to the unisex lounge.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I feel your pain."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Work Slave

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

Off Duty.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

Mr Yomp quickly got the hang of his new laptop.

"Do you mind? I'm in the middle of recording a podcast."

Around here it got a little tricky...

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"The boss expects us all to be robots."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'A word in my office Jones.'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

'I can assure you we take privacy concerns very seriously. Now, on your way out, shut the bloody door.'

'Father, when are you going to get software for our home computer that will teach me French?'

Are you nodding yes, or nodding off?

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'