Modern Witchcraft Dabbler T-Shirts

"It's a recipe for self-care."

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Happy Halloween. Something's different about her. It's boo!-tox. Every Halloween its the same thing. They take candy off the house and never come to the door. That careless jerk almost trampled me! What was it? The "Heedless" Horseman! I know it's just toilet paper, but as a mummy it still gives me the creeps!

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

"Lately, I've thinking about getting a motorcycle ... "

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

"Texting hexes is such a time saver!"

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Wiccapedia.

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"No, it's a single ingredient - baby carrots."

'What was the question?'

'Excuse me. Could you point me towards the books that would look impressive on my bookshelf?'

"I'm hexting."

Witch Online

"Excuse me but you've got a bit of child's finger stuck between your teeth."

Witch uses remote key to find broom.

"Student witch"

"I'm just stating if a watched pot never boils, we could go finish the 5 minutes left of Handmaid's tale."

"Fly over to the Grand Union and bring back the produce manager's tongue."

"Is there a vegan substitute for eye of newt?"

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

"They have Toil, but Trouble is out of stock."

'I just got a hex message from Zelda.'

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

"Probably texting."