Modern Twists Lover Pillows

"I didn't have time to go shopping,so I just wrote him a nice check."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

Trojan horse with a satellite dish.

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

twist building

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"Now THAT'S what I call a surprise ending!!"

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

Modern Charm

Crime

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel ... let down your hair extensions.'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

'You called a plumber!'

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

'Gentlemen, my card! I'm a lawyer.'

"Mother, I've sold the cow on the dark web for 3 bitbeans."

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.

"I have a better idea! Let's squeeze the apple and ferment the juice!"