Modern Tech Skeptic Pillows

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

iPhone Senior

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Privacy

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Domestic Spying Drones

Big Brother.