Modern Slang Appreciator Pillows

"Perhaps I'm not hearing you right, stranger. Did you just call me 'cupcake'?"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"We have an acronym!"

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

You are my sunshine!

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Oh Hi!'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Steamed vegetables."

Meat Grinder

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

What's an Imax cave?

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Russia Money Laundering

Laughing Zone Ahead

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

The Greek Trampoline

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"Amateurs."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."