Modern Relationships Pillows

"Marry you?�Don't be so deeply unfashionable."

'I can't get involved with you, Donald, unless I have an exit strategy.'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"What sort of Emoji goes with, 'I want a divorce?'"

"Apparently, those phones are more potent than my arrows."

"Carmen, those two men are marrying each other."

"Mom and dad's marriage wasn't made in heaven. They met online, so it was made in the Cloud."

"But enough about my online persona."

'You have beautiful pixels.'

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"Currently I'm a stay-at-home boyfriend but that doesn't define me."

"I love you very much, but apparently it's break-up season."

"What's 'Mummies and Daddies'? We're playing Celebrity throuple."

Sleeping With Strange Men

"Alexa - tell my husband he's wrong."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

Be My P.C.V

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Life is for the birds.

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."