Modern Relationship Expert T-Shirts

'Now comes the hard part. . . who gets which facebook friends. . .'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Boyfriend of the Month.

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

Express Therapy

The Stages of Wine

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Online Dating for Dummies

"All parents fight."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."