Modern Office Analyst T-Shirts

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"We've made it more hellish by modeling it after corporate workplaces."

Modern Life Blues

'Who vetted that leader?'

"All in favor of the old, uncomfortable chairs?"

Desk bins: Pretend it's not here, Hope it goes away, Delegate it.

'I never get any credit for all the years we upsized.'

Paperless office.

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"Very funny."

'You can take down your little sign, Marlene, we're switching over to computers on Monday.'

'Ms. Haskell, as we transition to paperless, do you think I should carry a briefcase or laptop...or both?'

'And this model has plenty of space for all your electronics and a landing pad for your drone.'

'Not in here, stupid - I don't need to!'

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"It's the new mobile office."

"It's the boss's son, what can I do about it?"

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

The Miracle Worker

'What shall I do with that? Our office has been paperless for 5 years.'

Mitch learned beneath his conscious thoughts, he felt small,inadequate,desperately in need of strength,competence, power.

"He looks so natural."

"I prefer the term 'barista.'"

"Make up one for the office that says 'Hard Head Area'."

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

Vending machine offers tea and sympathy

"It's unfortunate that we have to cut back on frontline workers, but what else can we do?"