Modern Nanny Gifts

'Have you been giving them too many tweets again?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Cry babies.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

'The child is very illogical'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"I'm bored."

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

'I'm on my way!'

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'