Modern Monk Humorist Pillows

"I want to get away to it all."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

Monks in monastry dancing, "They're high on apostasy again."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

This man is an island.

Pop Top Ice FIshing

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

Whoa, easy on the details, brother! This may be shrunk down for an e-book someday.

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"Ha ha. You tell that one in every lifetime. Ha ha. It never gets old."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"Lemonade App: $1"

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

Pray as you Go.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"I was lucky -- my parents went to Heaven."

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

Rocket charmer.

"Bloody Cyclops!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."