Modern Married Duo Gifts

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Couples' therapy

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

His Her Cakes

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Sulk Shows

'Choose, Fenster

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"Get a tomb!"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'